


Until Now

by nograndfinale



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, satzu - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-10
Updated: 2017-05-10
Packaged: 2018-10-30 06:48:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10871337
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nograndfinale/pseuds/nograndfinale
Summary: In which Sana is an abusive drinker and Tzuyu has always been there to care.





	Until Now

**Author's Note:**

> if you fell inlove with your bestfriend, don't worry; Sana and Tzuyu experienced it too.

Tzuyu sips from her coffee the second time, adverting her gaze beside the glass wall, where the first snow falls.

 

_Until now, until now, you're not here by my side, until now~_

 

She recalled what her bestfriend sang last night as they walked along the streets that's illuminated by cascading orangey lights from the light stands, a drunk voice that has been all too familiar by now echoing still in her mind.

 

It's been weeks since it all started.

 

Sana hopping on bars and getting drunk every night, as Tzuyu picks her up for the sole reason that the Japanese girl is her bestfriend/roommate and she doesn't want the girl to get in any trouble.

 

In other special words, Tzuyu cares for her, yet she won't admit herself. She doesn't want to when she lectured the girl for times she can't count anymore but Sana continues to keep on doing and doing it.

 

Tzuyu stands up from her seat with her cup of coffee in her hand. She takes the other one that stood on the brown table as she left the coffee scented shop.

 

She received a text,

 

**I'm at Momo's right now. See you later?**

**-MS**

 

Tzuyu read as she walked. She sipped the hot liquid once before waiting at the end of the road, standing down a red roof beside a bus stop stand.

 

**Your coffee would get cold.**

**-xx**

 

**Don't bother. You can put it in the freezer, you know how I like my coffee iced.**

**-MS**

 

Tzuyu knows that for a fact, but today is the start of the first fall of snow. Ain't that enough to make anyone in Korea shiver to cold?

 

She just lets herself remember, Sana is a weird girl, with weird habits, weird likes, and that's the reason why they became friends—bestfriends. Tzuyu loves weird people.

 

She didn't bother to reply, tucking in the rectangular piece of device on her coat pocket and entering the bus that stopped infront of her.

 

First snow of the year, again, nothing special.

 

\---

 

She arrived the apartment, taking off her new white sneakers and placing them neatly just inches away beside the door frame.

 

In subtle steps, she walked along the hall until she reached the living room, heading to the small kitchen directly to grab a glass of water for her throat is itching.

 

On the refrigerator handle, a pink post-it note was placed, neat letters craved with black ink and she was fast to take and read,

 

Your coffee is iced. Enjoy.

 

A sweet smile immediately grazes over her face before she opens the fridge swiftly, taking the paper cup with the darker brown plastic lid covering the liquid turned to solid beverage.

 

She opens the lid, takes a spoon from one of the cabinets and divulges the brown coffee on her cup.

 

It's nights like these that she likes, which just meant that every night is wanted.

 

Sana likes it when Tzuyu cares. And by every night, she felt that she cares.

 

\---

 

"She and I aren't even on the same league."

 

They layed on the blanket that was spread over the creaky wooden floor of the living room, stuff pillows thrown around as the light casted over gladly.

 

"Wait— I, I though she's you know...like..."

 

"Like me? A lesbian?" Sana raises her head, propping her arms to look over at her bestfriend who's still laying, her head resting on one of Sana's stuff pillows.

 

"Well, yeah. I thought she is. You and her look at girls the same way, I guess not everyone should be judge by the way they stare." Tzuyu shrugs, rolling over to take the bowl of popcorn that rested on the coffee table.

 

Sana was silent for seconds. She watched her bestfriend's every move before she speaks again,"I'm having a date tomorrow. I guess I won't be home before 10 so lock the door and be safe."

 

"You always say that but then you forget to bring your keys so still, I have to wake up late at night. I'd rather review for my tests and wait for you then, than sleep early and wake up by your annoying knocks." Tzuyu says as she eats, slouched and enjoying both the food and her position.

 

Actually, they kind of enjoy these types of bonding. Their movie marathon nights every saturday nights.

 

Sana scoots over to take some of her own,"So what do you think?"

 

"Think about what?"

 

"...Me dating..?"

 

Tzuyu raises a brow before she sits straight and places down the bowl of popcorn beside her. She faces Sana and tilts her head.

 

"If that's what would make you happy, then I would want you to go for it."

 

Sana blinks at her friend's words. Her happiness matters, and Tzuyu lets her remember that.

 

Tzuyu gives her a pat on the shoulder,"So tell me about the girl."

 

Sana looked at the hand that rested on her shoulder cladded with her white shirt before directing her gaze to Tzuyu after a matter of seconds.

 

"Who cares about her right now? Come over here and let's start the movies."

 

Sana was fast too cage the girl in her arms and it took another thirty minutes for a round of Tzuyu's squeals and Sana's laughs to die down before they could actually start the movie.

 

\---

 

Tzuyu stared.

 

This is the first week Sana hasn't drink any alcohol at all.

 

The first full week Tzuyu didn't walked out her room at the middle of the night, receiving a message that says to pick her up from a certain bar around Seoul.

 

She stared outside where the snow falls, the scent of coffee surrounding her as she waited.

 

All of a sudden, a certain memory falls down her mind in a matter of seconds.

 

_Until now, until now, you're not here by my side, until now~_

 

She recovered the dusky roads they walked, illuminated by orangey lights and the scent of dirt and alcohol filling up her lungs. She recovered how the other girl hunged her arm around her because she's too intoxicated and that song the girl made that she sings when she's wasted.

 

And today, the last full week before, Sana hasn't been wasted.

 

Sana has been doing well with her dates, except from that one she had with that girl named Momo.

 

Sana is fine. Sana would smile. Sana doesn't cry at nights anymore like what Tzuyu would hear for the past few weeks.

 

Sana doesn't enter her room and crawl to her bed anymore, kisses her without other words being said left when she's drunk.

 

And she's always drunk. But not anymore.

 

Sana's happy, or so she thought.

 

\---

 

Today, she got dumped. Again.

 

And she doesn't tell Tzuyu that. She goes back home, a bouquet of red roses in her hands with a painful smile at her face.

 

That girl Mina isn't even my type. Sana waited for a bus to ride before she received a text message.

 

**What time would you come home?**

**-CT**

 

Sana checked the time,

 

 _8:45_.

 

Not even close to the time she usually tells Tzuyu she would be back.

 

**I'll be there in 10 minutes or so.**

**-xx**

 

She boards in when one bus stopped for her. She went to one of the farthest seats in the back and rested comfortably with a heavy sigh escaping her dry lips.

 

**Why so sudden?**

**-CT**

 

Sana just smiled bitterly when she saw the girl's repy. _Because I got dumped for the nth time but I don't want to tell you that cause I don't want you to get worried?_

 

**I'm just not in the mood to go out for long.**

**-xx**

 

She didn't receive a response and she took this time to look outside the window and think.

 

_I just wanted to see you, that's all._

 

\---

 

When she heard the door creak, she stands up fast from her seating position on the couch and slightly rans over to the hall.

 

Tzuyu saw Sana placing down her white sneakers to the side before the girl stands up straight, their eyes finally meeting each other.

 

She saw it.

 

That familiar loneliness that stayed in her eyes for like every night she spent drinking alcohol.

 

Tzuyu worries before she walks over but Sana was fast to sport a sweet smile, stretching over her arms to present Tzuyu the bouquet of red roses.

 

The younger girl takes it but not without her questioning,"Why are you giving this to me?"

 

Sana shrugs as she lazily drags herself to the main room,"Because I canceled my date and deciced to stay home instead?"

 

"Yeah...but why me?"

 

"Should I give it to the cat that stays infront of our door apartment then?"

 

Tzuyu sighed before resting the flowers on the coffee table and sitting beside the girl that slouched on the couch, watching the korean drama that played on the television infront.

 

"Sana, what happened?"

 

"What do you mean?"

 

Tzuyu shifts closer to the girl before resting her palm on the girl's cheek,"Did something happen?"

 

Sana falls over her touch but shooks her head once,"Nothing happened. What are you talking about?"

 

Her tone is slightly disarray and Tzuyu can't help but to hinge her thumb and move it around the girl's cheek as a sign of comfort.

 

"Let's talk about it."

 

"What do you want to talk about exactly? Nothing even happened!" Sana then snaps, her brows were crooked and when she turns to Tzuyu, her look quickly softens.

 

The younger girl is left out of words to say. The atmosphere turned tense, and Sana is the first one to claim that she can't handle it by standing up and walking to the direction of her room swiftly.

 

Tzuyu's left to stare at the girl's retreating figure.

 

\---

 

And tonight, it started all over again.

 

She didn't receive a text message, she just heard the door creak when the clock turned 1:54.

 

It was her choice. To wait for the other girl.

 

Because Sana never said anything about her coming home late and Tzuyu was so worried, she waited.

 

The girl who just dyed her hair black the last day widened her eyes for a second when she saw the brown haired girl on the couch sitting, before turning away and not muttering any words at all.

 

Tzuyu can smell the harsh hint of alcohol from Sana's direction. Her gaze followed where the girl is heading, who's steps are clumsy but persistent to walk to her room.

 

When Sana touched the knob of her door, she felt a hand over hers and she looked at the taller girl who's now beside her.

 

No words were said left when Tzuyu opens the door for her, hooking her arm on Sana's waist and leading them to the bed of her room.

 

She layed Sana there and she sat beside the girl who's intoxicated and eyes were half-lidded.

 

Tzuyu caressed the girl's face and Sana was approaching to sleep but before Tzuyu could stand up and leave the room, Sana clings her arms on Tzuyu's neck and dives in for a kiss.

 

And tonight, it started all over again.

 

\---

 

Her head is aching, she's not used to it anymore. When she shifted in her bed, she could already see the blinding light that goes past through her curtains.

 

She rolls over, taking her phone on the nightstand and checking for any messages but she has none.

 

She guesses she sucks real bad at dating.

 

When she stands up, she felt the pang in her head once more, but she decided against it that she should sleep some more. A hot soup is what she needed right now.

 

So, she walked out her room and already smelled the welcoming scent of a delicious mushroom soup being cooked.

 

Heading to the kitchen with her fluffy bunny slippers, she expected to see her tall bestfriend except she saw that familiar girl she met last week.

 

"Goodmorning, lazybum." The girl smiled brightly, looking at Sana's direction as she rested her hands on her back, presenting the pink cute apron she wears.

 

"Nayeon..."

 

\---

 

The silence is deafening.

 

Tzuyu just walked out her room in her usual white shirt and sweatpants before she settled on one of the chairs along with the two.

 

Sana has her hand on her forehead, eyes closed and the girl that knocked on the door early in the morning just awhile ago, who claims to be Nayeon, is serving the soup she cooked on bowls.

 

"How did you get here?" Sana then asked the girl.

 

"You texted me your address last night?"

 

Tzuyu and Sana's eyes suddenly connects while the younger one has hers widened.

 

They have set this one rule a very long time ago, when they just started living under the same roof. And it is to not give the address to any person unless it's one of their close friends, parents, and nothing more.

 

Flings— dates to be exact— are the most not wanted to even know the apartment address.

 

And it just happened that Sana texted Nayeon, whoever she is to the girl's life, their apartment address.

 

Tzuyu can't say no when a fine young lad knocked so early in the morning, asking for a girl named Ms. Minatozaki. She let her in, told the lady that the one she's looking for is drunk last night and would probably suffer hangover the moment she wakes so the girl insisted to cook mushroom soup. Again, Tzuyu can't say no.

 

The silence engulfed them for the second time before Sana stands up to drag Nayeon with her on the living room.

 

Tzuyu was left. Again.

 

\---

 

She bangs her head lightly on the book that rested on her desk.

 

Tomorrow is her finals and she hasn't reviewed anything yet. She stands up and directs to her bed instead, looking up the ceiling in deep thoughts.

 

_"So what do you think?"_

_"Think about what?"_

_"...Me dating..?"_

 

_"If that's what would make you happy, then I would want you to go for it."_

 

She heaves a deep sigh, taking her hair out of frustation before she buries her face on one of her pillows. She screamed with all her might, muffled by the soft thing before she looks at the ceiling again.

 

_What are you doing to me Sana?_

 

Tzuyu then stands up from her bed, heads out her room and walks to the living room.

 

There she saw Sana who just entered along with that girl, Nayeon.

 

\---

 

"Yeah...we just started dating."

 

"Now?"

 

"Yesterday."

 

Sana looked at her bestfriend, the girl leaning down the metal railings, her eyes fixated on the busy streets of Seoul.

 

"She's beautiful, and...smart. You told me she's a med student right?" Tzuyu finally faces her and Sana was left out of words.

 

Their faces are just inches apart and it's been a long time since Sana remembers the last time she saw Tzuyu's face up close.

 

_Like always, it's breathtaking. You're breathtaking._

 

"Yes, and she's finishing her last term. She'll take her degree next."

 

It was silent for some matter of seconds before Tzuyu says,

 

"I'm proud of you. Always be happy."

 

\---

 

They never had the late movie nights every saturday anymore. It changed to Nayeon staying in the couch with Sana for hours around dawn to dusk, cuddled together as they watch different sets of movies and genres.

 

They never had breakfast with Tzuyu's favourite pancakes coated with maple syrup and Sana's favourtie bacon she always have when she's still a kid.

 

They never share the nights when it's raining and thunder storms roaring with Tzuyu running to Sana's room and cuddling for comfort until she sleeps in the older girl's arms.

 

Tzuyu doesn't buy two coffees when she pass by her favourite coffee shop anymore. Instead, she walks to the icecream parlour beside it and orders a mint choco flavoured icecream.

 

Sana also doesn't tell the girl what time she would come home. She comes back when she feels like it, mostly spending her time on her girlfriend's apartment.

 

Slowly, they're parting ways without them knowing and they don't know what a person with a broken heart could do.

 

\---

 

She told her to be happy. If that's what would make her happy, she wanted her to go for it.

 

But everytime she sees them, everytime she sees Sana with that smile she hasn't sported for a long time, her heart pangs and bounces in joy at the same time.

 

Tzuyu always wanted Sana to remember, every persons' happiness matters. That's what she would always let the girl feel when she was still on her most darkened days.

 

But if she wanted Sana to be happy which in return her happiness would be taken away, Tzuyu could only wonder.

 

Does she like Sana all along?

\---

Sana would only go home to take some of her stuffs or drop by her dirty clothes. After that, she goes straight back to Nayeon's apartment.

 

One day, she entered the apartment with noone around.

 

She checked Tzuyu's room. She's not there.

 

Then something hit on her, it's the girl's father's death anniversary today.

 

Sana was fast to check her phone for any messages when she turned it mute three hours ago because she doesn't want anyone to ruin her happy mood in the meantime.

 

There she saw Tzuyu's text message, just an hour ago.

 

**I'm coming back home to Taiwan. You can stay with Nayeon in the apartment while I'm gone.**

**-CT**

 

Sana frantically runs back to Tzuyu's room. She opens her wardrobe and saw not much of her clothes left. She also looked at the girl's drawer to find nothing inside.

 

Sana then takes her coat and runs out of the apartment. In full speed, she drives to the airport with the memory of Tzuyu crying every night on the past few years, stories of how her step-mother hated her with every cell that she has on her body and that her father never really cared.

 

\---

 

She ran, the other waited.

 

She stopped, the other stood.

 

They walked but in different directions, and she sighed when she felt she lost all her hope, the other cracks a bitter smile when she felt she lost all that she have left.

 

It isn't the time for us to leave.

 

Sana runs again, hoping she could still see her one last time.

 

Tzuyu walks biting her lower lip when she thinks this would be the end.

 

Your happiness is what really mattered for me.

 

In seconds, minutes, it neared.

 

Tzuyu looks back one last time and the feeling is a little bit familiar. She felt this before and she's sure.

 

She remembers what she feels whenever she sees Sana walk out the door and leave her by herself. She remembers what she feels when the girl smiles genuinely whenever she talks about that girl she met last week. She remembers because that's what she always feel, and now, it is hundred times more painful than before.

 

But Sana kept looking, hoping, she wanted and was longing. She was in the verge of tears but she keeps on wiping her eyes with her sweater paws until they turn red on the sides.

 

Tzuyu stepped and sat, looking out, she thought this will be the last.

 

"Flight T102015 to Taiwan has officially took off. I repeat, Flight T102015 to Taiwan has officially took off. Thank you."

 

\---

 

She walked the dusky roads, illuminated by orangey lights and the scent of dirt and alcohol filling up her lungs. Today, she walked alone. Noone to hung on to, noone to talk to. And though she's intoxicated, her steps lousy, she continued.

 

"Until now, until now, you're not here by my side, until now~"

 

Sana sings with little hiccups here and there. She continued to walk.

 

"Until now, until now, would you be here by my side this time, until now~"

 

She was nearing her apartment when she looks up and sees a silhouette, she adjusted her vision before she recalls that look infront of her, standing beside the gate through her apartment building,

 

Chou Tzuyu...


End file.
